Maria Ozawa: Ang Babaeng Nagpaasa

Bago basahin, isang paalala muna mula sa MTRCB…

Inilagay ko ito alinsunod sa patakaran ng MTRCB. Kinuhanan ko pa ito ng permiso sa NTC, DTI, PNP, BFAD, at kung saan-saang ahensya ng gobyerno. Naka tax-mapped rin ang Kakabakaba Ka Ba? ayon sa batas ng BIR. Pinabakunahan ko pa sa RITM ito para sigurado. Mahirap na.

Hey boys...

Napabalita kamakailan na si Maria Ozawa, isang tanyag na Japanese pornstar, ay diumano’y nasa ating bansa. Di niyo siya kilala? Paki-Google niyo lang po. Dumating DAW si Binibining Ozawa noong December 22 ayon sa kanyang status sa Facebook account. Di matukoy kung saang bahagi ng Pinas namamalagi si Maria Ozawa: kung siya ba ay nasa isa sa mga gusali ng Sogo, nasa Baywalk ba, nasa Babuyan Islands, nasa tuktok ng Mt. Pinatubo, or nasa Puerto Princesa Underground River. Ngunit maaaring nasa kathang-isip lang natin siya, kinukulit ang ating imahinasyon. Nabaliw lalo ang sankalalakihan nang diumano’y nagkomento muli si Binibining Ozawa na siya ay bumili ng Globe sim at naghahanap ng mga Pinoy na kanyang isasalang sa isang audition para sa isang porn film. Parang audition lang ng Pilipinas Got Talent, X Factor, at Pinoy Big Brother (pun intended). At naglipana ang mga volunteers na tila mas hihigitan pa ang dami ng mga volunteers sa Red Cross.

Dinugo ako sa lalim ng Tagalog.

Angelica Panganiban & Maria Ozawa: separated at birth?

Sino nga ba si Maria Ozawa?

Una kong natuklasan si Maria Ozawa mula sa aking mga haliparot na blockmates noong college na naguumpukan sa harapan ng isang computer monitor. Syempre, kahit kasinghigpit na ng CIA ng Amerika ang security ng network sa school, di mapigilan na may nagaganap na kalakaran ng mga porn. Nasa hidden folder or di kaya nasa folder na may secret name ang mga videos. Upang makakuha ka ng kopya, dapat madiskarte ka. At dahil lalong illegal pag binuksan mo at pinanuod sa loob ng lab, ilalabas lang ang USB at CTRL+C/CTRL+X tapos CTRL+S na kaagad. Walang sinabi ang mga drug mules sa China sa kalakaran.

At napanuod ko si Binibining Ozawa. Namumukhaan ko sa kanya si Angelica Panganiban. Kulang na lang sumigaw ng mga ala-Rubi kontrabida lines habang nakikipagsiping si Maria Ozawa. Kung tutuusin may similarities din sila: parehas silang mahilig sa banana split. :p

Kung ang America ay may Sasha Grey, ang Asia naman ay merong Maria Ozawa. What if kung mag-star sila sa iisang film. Panigurado taob ang tandem nila Vilma Santos at Nora Aunor (teka bat sila naisip ko???).

Sa dami ng pinapatulan nila, napapaisip ako: di kaya may STD or HIV AIDS na sila? Kasing luwag na ba sila ng kalsada pag Mahal na Araw o ng garter ng luma kong salawal?

Oh balik tayo sa usapan.

Nakita ko sa Facebook news feed ko about Maria’s arrival here sa Pilipinas through one of my contact’s post. Tinignan ko yung mismong page kung saan nanggaling yung balita. “Hello Philippines” daw sabi ni Maria. At sumunod ang mga nakakaulol at nakakawindang na comments tulad ng nasa ibaba.

Babala: Naglipana ang mga manyak.

Ewan ko pero habang nababasa ko ang mga comments, di ko mapigilang mainis imbis na magalak sa pagdating ni Ozawa. Sorry pero parang yung iba na nagpopost parang uhaw na uhaw sa sex. Hindi ako magpapakahipokrito. Nanunuod ako ng porn at likas sa kalalakihan ang makaramdam ng tawag ng laman bukod sa flag ceremony. In short, ma-el ako… maligaya. May psychological explanation naman na ang isa sa pangangailangan ng tao ang sexual needs. Pero sa aking nasaksi ay tila mga asong nauulol sa isang piraso ng karne. Parang ugaling kanto lang na parang nakainom tapos aambushin ang isang dalagang dumaan. Yung iba kung makapag-Ingles parang signal na choppy na ang hirap i-comprehend. There’s a fine line between being maligaya at being manyak. Kaya sa bandang huli, natawa na lang ako. Tawang gorilla lang.

Ang mga kalalakihan ay naglaway. Parang sinumpong ng dysmenorrhea ang kababaihan. Paniguradong nagiinit na naman ang mga puwitan ng mga arsobispo. At ang mga beki ay dedma galore lang. PAK

At hindi nagtapos ang Maria Ozawa craze. After couple of days, nagpost na naman si Maria Ozawa. Bumili daw siya ng Globe sim.  Sounds fishy. Siguro kung nalaman to ni Manny Pangilinan for sure pati si Ozawa ay bilhin na niya. At di lang yon, may audition daw para sa mga Pinoy para sa susunod niyang porn film. At mismong tiniweet ng ANC ha.

ANC tweeted this. Seriously? I hear some 'UHHHH'.

After few hours, GMA 7 refuted the rumors. I hear some 'AWWWW'.

Parang auditions lang ng PBB, X Factor, at PGT.

Paging Katrina Halili and Maricar Reyes, what can you say about this? O.O

Di ko mawari paano kung ibinalita ito over TV Patrol or 24 Oras. Baka maubo sina Korina Sanchez at Mike Enriquez. Excuse me pow.

But on the other hand, GMA 7 refuted the rumors. KJ? I think they have a point. In the first place, madali mauto ang tao sa mga fake accounts. Basta may pangalan na ng artista, finofollow na sa Twitter or inaadd sa Facebook. Parang bumibili ka ng something na hindi mo alam kung registered yung tindahan. Andaming napapahamak at nanghahamak sa social media sites. Yan ang downfall. Daming naglipanang posers at fake accounts. Good thing GMA 7 did this since they are known for their Think Before You Click campaign. Kaso ang nangyayari ay Click Before You Think. *facepalm*

And I think majority are now booing, cursing, making dirty fingers, and mooning their computer/laptop screens.

Isa lang ang leksyon dapat nating matutunan mula sa pangayayaring ito:

THINK BEFORE YOU LICK ay este CLICK!

Hot like Mexico, rejoice!

Meet the ANTM winners

I am an America’s Next Top Model addict. There’s no doubt about that. Tell me something about the show and we will have a great conversation. At pwede pa tayo magkaroon ng ‘smizing’ (smiling with your eyes) at ‘H2T’ (heat to toe posing) showdown.

I discovered the show from my former boss of a school magazine way back in college. That was summer of 2006. I didn’t have any interests in reality shows before, even American Idol failed me to entice me. But when he told me about ANTM Cycle 4 which was being aired on ETC. After watching an episode (I think it was the episode with the Horoscope-inspired photoshoot), I instantly got hooked. Besides fashion and drama(?), I particularly pay attention on the photoshoots: on how the lighting works, wardrobes, locations, hair and makeup, posing, direction… everything about photo production. If it wasn’t for Tyra Bank’s syndicated modeling reality TV show, I won’t be interested in photography and fashion.

So basically the premise of the show is to find a set of girls across the US then every week they will undergo model training basics (ie. runway challenges and photoshoots). Every episode, a girl gets eliminated until one girl remains and eventually becomes America’s Next Top Model. 17 seasons or ‘cycles’ have passed since 2003 and it attracted a large audience market, created a huge fan base, produced 17 winners, and is being localized to more than 50 countries worldwide. On its 8 years span, ANTM continues to inspire and sometimes raise someone’s eyebrow. They are currently filming Cycle 18.

And now may I introduce you to the 17 winners of America’s Next Top Model…

Adrianne Curry, Cycle 1

The first winner of ANTM, Adrianne is best known for her daring and spunky personality *insert tongue-out expression here*. She was not the girl-next-door beauty unlike the classy and conservative runner-up Shannon Stewart. Adrianne has the unconventional beauty that makes her stand out. On the other hand, my fave was Elyse Sewell who is currently booking more modeling opportunities than those two. Too bad the feud between Adrianne and Tyra Banks is still unsettled.

Yoanna House, Cycle 2

I think Yoanna is one of the most beautiful girls in ANTM history.  She has an ethereal and breath-taking face. If Cover Girl was already a sponsor during that time, I think she’d be a great CoverGirl. She is quirky but high fashion, flawless, and stylish. My favorites are her, April Wilkner, and Shandi Sullivan (the first dorky girl of Top Model).

Eva Pigford, Cycle 3

Before Nicole Fox became the petite cycle 13′s winner, Eva is the shortest winner in the history of ANTM (standing at 5′ 6.5″, Nicole is 5′ 7″). Despite her height, Eva’s beauty radiates and she has the best runway walk in the bunch. She is fierce and sassy and her personality shines through. Eva is the diva. My favorites in this cycle are her, Nicole Borud, Tocarra Jones, and Amanda Swafford.

Naima Mora, Cycle 4

Her cycle was my first exposure to ANTM. She was the quiet, shy but fierce-looking girl who sports the mohawk. Naima did fair on photoshoots but during the finale, she owned the runway. My bet was Kahlen Rondot (runner-up) since she produced much stellar photos during the competition yet Naima redeemed herself on the final runway challenge. I think both girls deserves to win. My faves besides the final 2 girls are Rebecca Epley, Christina Murphy, and Brittany Brower.

Nicole Linkletter, Cycle 5

I never thought that girls who are sweet, romantic, and babyfaced can be high fashion. Nicole proved that during cycle 5. She fought till the end against Nik Pace (runner-up) who was also one of the strong contenders for the top model spot. Both of them produced stellar photos but Nicole’s gradual improvement, versatility and fierce final runway walk made her won the competition. Fave contestants: Nicole, Nik, Lisa D’ Amato, and Kim Stolz.

Danielle Evans, Cycle 6

Danielle and Joanie Dodds (runner-up) are the strongest girls in cycle 6 and arguably one of the best final 2 contestants in Top Model history.  It was really hard to choose who would be the winner since both of them were consistently delivering stellar photos and have unique personalities. Joanie is all-American girl while Danielle has the Black girl glamour. But in the end, Danielle won because of her presence and drive. Aside from the final two, I love Jade Cole (even if she’s a bitch, I still love her), Sara Albert, and Mollie Sue Gondi.

Caridee English, Cycle 7

Cycle 7 is one of my favorite cycles of all time. Best set of girls. Best photoshoots. Best winner. The first-ever natural blonde winner, Caridee wowed us with her classic glamour look and fun/outgoing personality despite sometimes being too loud. She resembles Rebecca Romjin (remember Mystique from X-men? Skip the costume and you’ll get what I mean). She produced best photos throughout the competition. Another best final 2, both Caridee and Melrose Bickerstaff  fought till the end but Caridee has extra something than Melrose (and Melrose was kinda arrogant and bitchy). Caridee further inspires us with her unique story about her psoriasis that she thought it would hinder her dream to become a model.

Jaslene Gonzalez, Cycle 8

Who would have ever thought that the ChaCha Diva who was just a semi-finalist on Cycle 7 would eventually become next season’s winner? Jaslene brought flavor to the competition with her Latina vibe and beauty. She never placed in the bottom two throughout the competition. Jaslene and Natasha Galkina who was another contestant with another heritage (she is Russian) became the final two girls. For me it was really hard to choose from one of them since they did remarkable performances and they were so beautiful in their own unique ways. But the judges applauded Jaslene’s overall consistent performance.

Saleisha Stowers, Cycle 9

Personally, she’s my least fave winner. She may have the strongest walk from the bunch (her final runway performance proved it) and was able to take striking photos but I could relate to Chantal Jones (runner-up) more than her. Chantal oozes more high fashion appeal than Saleisha in my opinion. And her winning caused a huge uproar due to the surrounding issues concerning her eligibility to join ANTM. Nonetheless, I think Chantal booked more jobs than the actual winner. My other faves from this cycle were Lisa Jackson, Jenah Doucette, and Heather Kuzmich (the contestant who suffers from Asperger Syndrome and ADHD).

Whitney Thompson, Cycle 10

The first plus-sized winner of Top Model… or ‘full-figured’ just like what Tyra had said. Cycle 10 is one of the cycles that has best set of girls and has creative photoshoots. Anyone can be the winner until the competition got thicker. I was rooting for Katarzyna Dolinska and Anya Kop to be the final 2 but the show seemed to gear towards achieving the first plus-sized winner. Anya and Katarzyna have high fashion appeal. On the other hand, Whitney’s figure didn’t become a hindrance on achieving the title. Her winning became an inspiration to young girls. And it just proves that ham can be sexy.

McKey Sullivan, Cycle 11

Cycle 11 has the most diverse girls in terms of looks. It seemed that they come from different races (French, Russian, Black, Latin, Asian, etc). I didn’t notice McKey that much during the first few episodes of Cycle 11 until my initial bets, Elina Ivanova, Lauren Brie Harding, and Analeigh Tipton, started to dwindle in the competition. On the other, Samantha Potter’s runner-up finish was unexpected. McKey is the second winner that didn’t appear at the bottom 2 due to her stellar photos yet I think she needs to practice more on her walk.

Teyona Anderson, Cycle 12

Another ANTM vocabulary was born: ‘wind in the face’, thanks to cycle 12 winner Teyona’s long face structure or like a tunnel-vision look. She has an athletic+high fashion appeal that can book her jobs. Despite her stiff final runway walk, judges picked  her over Allison Harvard (runner-up) because of her versatile creative portfolio and deemed true personality. I like Teyona but I love Allison more. Allison is weird but awkward and had an outstanding transformation that made her win the hearts of the viewers.

Nicole Fox, Cycle 13

It is the first in Top Model history to cast contestants who are 5’7″ tall and below. But no matter how short they are, the rules of the game stay the same (Wow it rhymes!). And it was “Bloody Eyeball” Nicole Fox who topped the petite cycle. She has a weird and dorky exterior but with a haute couture edge. She reminds me of Alice Burdue (Australia’s Next Top Model Cycle 3 winner). Southern sweet girl Laura Kirkpatrick became the runner-up, another tough competitor. I must say that those two finalists are also one of the best finalists in Top Model.

Krista White, Cycle 14

At the release of promo for Cycle 14, it was too hard to predict who was going to win. All girls were unique and had potential. And ow, Angelea Preston (a semifinalist from Cycle 12) returned as a finalist. At the end, then 25 years old Krista won America’s Next Top Model. She was praised for her edgy but sophisticated high fashion appeal that is marketable. Though her chocolate-skinned ugly-pretty beauty and angular Vogue-ish look, I dislike her dead eyes as well as her attitude. That’s why I prefer Raina Hein (runner-up) who is nicer and has smizing eyes.

Ann Ward, Cycle 15

Cycle 15 was revamped to look more high fashion with the changes of some prize sponsors: representation with IMG models and Vogue Italia spreads and a cover/spread in Beauty in Vogue. 6′ 2″ tall Ann is the 15th winner of ANTM, making her the tallest and thinnest winner so far (the latter description made a huge uproar because of Tyra’s misunderstood soundbite from one of the promos). Not only that, Ann earned the highest number of first call outs in Top Model history (a total of 6, 5 of them were consecutive). However she was deemed shy and insecure despite her awkwardly waif beauty. She had troubles with CoverGirl commercials and runway walk but managed to improve till the end. My initial bets were Kayla Ferrel (the lesbian chic) and Jane Randall (the Ivy League model) since I was expecting Ann will break down soon. I finally liked Ann during the finale.

Brittani Kline, Cycle 16

This is the only cycle that didn’t have casting call episode. Another cycle full of beautiful girls with lots of potential. But it was Brittani who beated the other 13 girls. Though my heart was on Molly O’ Connell (runner-up to Brittani), ANTM cycle 16′s winner is a serious strong contender even if she was caught in a fight with Alexandria Everett, another contestant and also a finalist. Both have strong bodies of work but Brittani won due to her strong walk and romantic charm. In the end, I find both of them great and can have a successful career. And yes, this cycle also featured Michael Cinco, our kababayan/famous designer base din Dubai, who provided gowns made from recycled stuff on one episode.

and now, presenting the recent winner…

Lisa D’Amato, Cycle 17: All-Stars

The 17th edition of America’s Next Top Model brought back some of the girls from some past cycles who made a huge impact and drama(?). Huge disappointment when Jade Cole (cycle 6 finalist) wasn’t included in the cast. As usual, what can you expect from bringing back some Top Model divas and girls with big personalities (and egos?) in the house? Total drama! Lisa D’Amato of Cycle 5 became the All-Stars winner, beating Allison Harvard who is deemed the fan favorite. There are speculations that Angelea Preston was the original winner and she allegedly spilled some info that’s why she got disqualified. I was rooting for Dominique Reighard (from cycle 10) because I felt she evolved into a mature model, unlike what she used to be during her cycle. After Dominique got booted out, my top 3 became Allison-Lisa-Laura. I can like Angelea  if only she can tame her abrasive and diva attitude.

So there you have it. Brace up for Cycle 18 this coming Spring of 2012!

Hot like Mexico, rejoice!

America’s Next Top Musician?

Sabi nga ni Tyra Banks, after Cycle 16, next seasons will never be the same. And it did manifest on All Stars cycle.

Episode 8 was about contestants asked to write a song about their own lives and then make music videos. Music video for a modeling competition? I have mixed feelings about this. I had doubts about the outcome and even the relevance of the challenge to the main premise of the competition. Pero for the sake of entertainment (since it’s a reality show in the first place), pinagbigyan ko na ang sarili ko.

Lisa D’Amato’s “I Like Be Whoa!”

Advantage ni Lisa ang challenge since she is already known for her music during post-ANTM career before she was included in All Stars cast. As expected, from writing the song to shooting the music video, Lisa nailed it. Napa ‘whoa’ ako. I’m picky on rap songs dahil hindi naman ako hip-hop person pero I like her song and performance. Bilib ako sa creativity niya on writing songs. Mahirap magsulat ng rap content ah.  Her voice reminds me of Pink. If ever hindi manalo si Lisa (pero malaking chance na manalo siya), I’m sure she still has music industry to fulfill her dreams.

Bagay’ tong kanta sa may mga loud personality, sa mahihilig sa rap music, at sa mga wild.

Dominique Reighard’s “Tooch Ya Booty”

Eto hindi ko ineexpect. I agree with what Game (the guest judge and director of the music videos) had said to Dominique. She has J. Lo. + Beyonce’s vibe, hence, binansagan siyang Jeyonce. I love the lyrics of her song. It might be too vain pero it works on her. Plus, she looks good on her music video. She reminds me of Shakira based on her looks. Naaalala ko pa when I was so upset to her during her cycle (cycle 10) dahil she was the resident bitch. Pero now it changed in fact she might be the dark horse of the competition.

Bagay’ tong kanta sa mga attention seekers, matatambok ang pwet, at sa mga Cover Girl consumers.

Allison Harvard’s “Underwater”

And here comes Creepy Chan. Prior to the music video shoot, she struggled during the song writing challenge because she admits it’s not her cup of tea. But after some words of encouragement and support, it turned out not as I was expecting. Akala ko magiging downfall ni Allison itong episode. Judging on the song, it sounds like a ethereal but mysterious nursery rhyme. Brother… Sister… Mother… Father… Underwater… But the story behind the lyrics was about the tragic death of her father a year ago. Creepy pero it worked on her. And when the music video shoot came, it was a piece of cake. AND HER EYES WERE HAUNTING! Parang siyang Russian doll. Game even commended her weirdness as beautiful and unique at tila nagkakacrush siya sa kanya. Allison’s song reminds me of Enya + Bjork + Lenka + with a touch of krung krung Sandara Park.

Bagay’ tong kanta sa mga weird, creepy, at may lahi ng manika at kuwago.

Shannon Stewart’s “World Go Round”

I admit gusto ko rin yung kanta niya. Pure, sweet, at romantic. Her song was about her husband. Maganda yung pagkakasulat ng lyrics. She has a Faith Hill vibe. Simple lang yung music video setup sa kanya (tela tela lang) pero it worked pretty good. What’s weird is that she looks like a Victoria’s Secret Angel pero due to her Christian belief, she doesn’t like posing while wearing underwear. Gaga rin to. Nakakapagsuot ng bikini pero underwear hindi.

Bagay’ tong kanta sa mga in love sa boyfriend/asawa at mahilig sa ‘fairy tale romance’. Romance pocket books ala Precious Heart also count.

Laura Kirkpatrick’s “Southern Sweet Girl”

Gusto ko si Laura since her cycle (cycle 13) pero I found her cheesy on her music video. Ewan ko pero I feel weird (not in a good way). May pagka Taylor Swift yung dating niya. Pero parang ngongo yung boses niya or parang lasing. Kidding aside, the lyrics of the song is good naman. The concept of the music video about being a Southern sweet girl is kinda cheesy (parang 90s lang) and very limiting. Plus, have you noticed her feet? Parang madumi. Sorry, Laura. Bawi na lang next time.

Bagay’ tong kanta sa mga pa-gurl, sa mga mahilig kay Taylor Swift/Selena Gomez/Myley Cyrus, at sa mahihilig sa stuffed toys at diary.

Angelea Preston’s “I’m Here”

After listening to this song, sasang-ayon kayo sa akin na may pagka-Mary J. Blige ang boses ni Angelea. Gusto ko yung song niya. It really speaks about her story of struggle and how she deals with it. Song of confidence and fight. Ramdam mo yung galit ni Angelea. But unlike her song, medyo di ko type yung music video niya. Though she looked great (diva kung diva), ang kulit niya gumalaw na parang kiti-kiti. And like Laura’s, very limited yung music video niya. San naging kasing astig ng song yung performance niya sa shoot.

Bagay’ tong kanta sa mga nagdidiva-divahan, sa mga nanghahamon ng away, at sa mga nakabangon sa mga problema. Game bitch on *snap snap fingers*.

Alexandria Everett’s “Go, Go, Go…”

Actually, gusto ko yung timbre ng boses ni Alexandria. Parang si Sophie Elis Bextor. And hindi ko inaasahang magaling din siyang kumanta. Ewan ko pero I like her voice. Gusto ko rin yung kanta niya. Maganda yung lyrics. Pwede siya sa mga clubs. Chill kung chill. What I don’t like is her music video. It’s too painful to watch. I agree with the remarks: ang stiff niya gumalaw. Or dahil wrong direction? Siguro kung iba ang binigay sa kanya na direction, pwede pa bumawi si Alexandria. Oo nga naman… Go, go, go pero I didn’t feel the movement. Kung sana nakasakay siya sa kotse habang umaandar (I know it’ll be too impossible since they only shot it inside a studio/warehouse) or setup ay inside a club. And di ko trip yung styling sa kanya. Nagmukha siyang matanda. Poor Alexandria.

Bagay’ tong kanta sa mga mahihilig sa club, sa car lovers, at sa mga on-the-go lagi.

Ang masasabi ko lang about this episode ay:

• I hate to say this pero epal si Tyra Banks. Give the contestants their own time and space. Moment nila yun, huwag na sumingit. Hindi ba sapat na show mo na yan? I found that unnecessary.
• Pot Ledom? I find it corny.
• Some of the music videos are limiting. Example: Angelea, Laura, and Alexandria. Kasalanan ‘to ng production team.
• As expected, paabor kay Lisa ang episode.
• Kung hindi palarin sa modeling industry, I think Alexandria and Dominique can make it to the music industry.
• Sana magrelease ng extended version ng single ni Allison! Hindi matanggal sa utak ko ang lyrics!

Excited to see them at Greece on next episode! Oppa!

Hot like Mexico, rejoice!

My Top 15+1… in random order

As of this writing, mamaya na pala ang Miss Universe 2011 sa Sao Paulo, Brazil. Kung naging mayaman lang ako by this time, nakabili na sana ako ng ticket para makanuod ng live. Kaya magtitiyaga muna ako sa TV at walang humpay na patalastas. Or maaari akong magtiis sa livestream sa internet.
Natapos na rin ang preliminary competition. Napanuod ko via livestream. At kahit pahinto-hinto tulad ng mga sasakyan sa EDSA tuwing traffic ang video streaming dahil sa kabagalan ng internet connection, sapat na ang ilang segundo para malaman kung sino ang mga hilig ko. May mga nakakatuwa. May mga nakakatawa. May mga nakakadismaya. May mga nakakagulat (in a good way). Sa madaling sabi, mahigpit ang labanan.

At narito na ang aking talaan ng mga paborito ko. Hindi ako missosologist para magbigay ng masusing komento ukol sa mga kandidata. Uy, denial. Joke. Basta kapag nakita ko na magaling maglakad, magdala ng damit, may confidence, maganda ang pangangatawan (stressed here), maganda ang mukha, may presensya, at may utak… pasok sa akin!

My Top 16 – 6, in random order:

16. Costa Rica

15. Spain

14. Ukraine

13. Mexico

12. Paraguay

11. Aruba

10. China

9. Angola

8. Puerto Rico

7. USA

6. Venezuela

And last… my Top 5. Sila ang pakiramdam ko ang makakalusot sa Swimsuit at Evening Gown round.

5. Greece

4. France

3. Australia

And finally, my Top 2 choices. Para sa akin, sila ang matinding magkalaban sa taon na to.

Malaysia

Philippines

Kayo, sino ang mga pambato niyo? Pustahan tayo! Teka makapagsangla nga muna ng baka. Haha.

Ang mga larawang nakalagay dito ay pagmamay-ari ni Patrick Prather at ni Darren Decker ng Miss Universe Organization, L.P. LLLP.

Hot like Mexico, rejoice!

Miss Universe 2011 – National Costumes (Bests para sa akin)

Kapag sumusubaybay ako sa Miss Universe, lagi kong inaabangan ang mga traje de tipico. Naks. Yung totoo, Telemundo?

Mahilig ako sa national costumes. Bata pa lang ako, kapag may mga Mr & Ms United Nations program sa school, naiinggit ako sa mga kasali na nakasuot ng iba’t-ibang costumes ng mga bansa. Yung tipong ipinatahi pa ng nanay sa kumare niya. Di ko rin masisisi na bata pa lang ako, nakahiligan ko na magbasa ng mga encyclopedia at namemorize ko ang mga flags ng bawat bansa at ang kani-kanilang kabisera. At memorized ko ang tamang spelling ng Czechoslovakia… pati date kung kailan sila naghiwalay as Czech Republic at Slovak Republic. Pati pala sa mga bansa, uso ang divorce.

Sa national costumes pa lang, natututunan mo kung anong meron sa bansang pinanggalingan ng kalahok. Nalalaman mo kung anong kultura, pamumuhay, at kasaysayang mayroon sa kanilang bansa. Kumbaga atlas in a beauty pageant. Alam mo kung mainit o malamig ang klima nila. Ano ang mga ipinagdiriwang nila. Sino ang mga bayani nila. Ano ang mga hayop ang malapit na maubos at nangangambang mawala. Joke. Sa mga kalalakihan, natututunan nila ang vital statistics. At asahan mo na gagayahin ng mga beki sa mga Miss Gay pageants.

Hayaan niyo akong ibahagi sa inyo ang aking mga piling pambansang kasuotang ngayong 60th edition ng pinakamagandang patimpalak sa buong sanlibutan:

15. Chile – Kung tutuusin, sawang sawa na ako sa mga feathered costumes ng mga taga South America na kung minsan, halos lamunin ang buong stage at maging parte na ng stage decoration. Astig itong costume ng taga-Chile. Akmang-akma sa bansa nila. Bukod sa pagiging sagana sa mining industry ang Chile, remember this?

14. Korea – Sawang-sawa na ako sa mga hanbok na national costume ng mga Korea delegates kaya I’m delighted to see my ultimate crush, Sora Chong, wearing a traditional Pungmul costume. At talagang nagresearch pa ako. Ang cute nung hat niya, parang bentilador lang. Syempre, cute din siya :”>. Pero paano kaya kung mala-SNSD/Girls’ Generation ang inspirasyon ng national costume? Hmmmm.

13. Panama – Nasabi ko nga na suyang-suya na ako sa mga mabalahibong kasuotan tuwing Miss Universe pageants. Nakakabahala din kung nauubos na ang mga ibon sa kagubatan (unless synthetic ang feathers) dahil sa pagtadtad ng balahibo sa mga damit. More feathers, mas magarbo daw. Pero pagbibigyan ko si Miss Panama dahil nadala naman niya. Kung sa bagay, paano mo nga gagawing costume ang Panama Canal? Uy, pwede yun ah para maiba!

12. Trinidad & Tobago – Isa pang mabalahibong national costume pero, muli, ipapasa ko. Piyestang-piyesta ang dating. Plus points dahil sa cleavage . Yan ang tinatawag na Bird of Paradise… ni Efren .

11. Venezuela – Is it a dragon? Is it a lizard? No, it’s Miss Venezuela! Tila mukhang nanggaling siya sa ibang dako ng universe. Sa tindig at titig pa lang niya, mala-extraterrestrial ang kagandahan niya. Isama mo pa ang abs at cleavage niya. Maganda ang pagkakadisenyo ng costume ni Miss Venezuela. Madetalye. Masarap… sa mata ang kulay.

10. Malaysia – Ayon sa mga usap-usapan sa press sa Brazil at mga parlorista, may ibubuga itong si Deborah Henry, ang pambato ng Malaysia. Sa costume pa lang, kitang-kita nga. Malinaw rin na tunay na maganda ang kultura ng mga bansang nasa Timog Silangang Asya. May pagka-genie ang costume niya. Gusto ko mag-wish. Sana manalo si Shamcey *music cue in* ♫ Malaysia… Truly Asia! ♫

9. Greece – Anong sinabi ni Aphrodite kay Iliana Papageorgiou? Greek goddess + supermodel. Kahit si Tyra Banks mapapaluhod sa kanya. Pumupusturang ala-diyosa. Tipong bumili ka ng 5 yardang tela sa Divisoria at balutan mo siya, diyosa pa rin ang kakalabasan. At wala akong masabi sa hairdo. Ilang hairpins at hairspray ang ginamit diyan? Or was it a goddess’ fault? Ikaw na, Iliana!

8. Thailand – Every year, pinapahanga ako ng mga taga-Thailand (take note: it’s /tay-land/, not /θay-land/) dahil pinag-aaralan talaga nila ang costume designs. Plus, if I’m not mistaken, nagpapatimpalak para sa mga disenyo (calling the attention of Madame Stella Marquez-Araneta… huwag lagi sa Colombia magpapagawa ng costume para sa Pilipinas… Pilipinas nga eh, di ba?). Fan ako lagi ng mga national costumes from Thailand. Kitang-kita mo ang mayabong at makulay na kultura ng bansang sikat sa mga gintong templo, Thai films, Thai Airways (Smooth as silk… nag-plug pa talaga), retoke(?), at si Mario Maurer (Malakas ang kutob kong hinihintay niyong banggitin siya.).

7. Peru – May kahawig na national costume ito… *nagsearch*… Eto. Gayunpaman, nagustuhan ko ito dahil bukod sa sexy si Natalie Vértiz ay kitang-kita mo ang Peru sa kanyang kasuotan. Parang Ifugao ang itsura dahil sa kulay. Tanyag ang Machu Picchu (nakalagay sa telang hawak niya) bilang isa sa 7 New Wonders of the World. Ang tanong ngayon: magiging new wonder ba si Miss Peru sa darating na coronation night?

6. USA – Namalikmata ako: akala ko si Captain Amerika. Kung sa Amerika kapag naging bahagi ng kasuotan ang pambansang watawat nila, ipinagdiriwang nila. Dito sa atin, nauuwi lang sa Senate Hearing. Kung noong nakaraang taon ay US Presidential seal ang inspirasyon, ngayon ay ang US Flag. Ang kanyang national costume ay hango sa suot ng mga American Revolution Colonial Militia.

5. China – Hindi man lang ako sinabihan na sumali pala si Mulan sa Miss Universe. Joke. Pero maganda ang national costume ni Luo Zilin. Dinaig si Joaquin Bordado sa pagkagara ng burda. At walang binatbat ang mga tassel ng mga kurtina ng nanay mo sa sleeves ng national costume ni Miss China. Sino ang ayaw maging Chinese empress kung ganyang kaganda ang kasuotan. Hindi na ako magtataka kung may nakakabit na tag na ang nakalagay ay “Made in China”.

4. Brazil – Again, feathery costume pero let’s spare Miss Brazil. At dahil host city ng 60th Miss Universe pageant ang Sao Paulo, Brazil, hindi magpapatalo ang pambato ng lupain ng beaches, Samba, at hot models. Kung mapapansin niyo, hango sa Brazilian flag at carnival ang national costume ni Priscila Machado. Carnival queen + beauty queen = next Miss Universe?

3. Colombia – Ayon sa aking nakalap na impormasyon mula sa aking mga katrop sa Colombia, hango ang pambansang damit ni Miss Colombia sa kanilang pambansang sombrero, ang sombrero vueltiao. Simbolo ito ng kanilang sining. Pero mukhang di natiis na hanggang sombrero lang. Buong attire ay hango sa nasabing sobrero. Isa lang ang masasabi ko: glamoroso *with Spanish accent*

2. Japan – Naalala ko bigla si Kurara Chibana sa kanya (one of my Miss U crushes, click here para makilala niyo). Parehas na may samurai sword. Parehas na maganda’t mabagsik. Tradition meets modernity. Ganyan si Maria Kamiyami. Grace of a princess. Strength of the warrior. Ano kaya next year? Sailor Moon?

1. Egypt – At eto ang aking numero uno. Kung buhay pa si Cleopatra, I’m sure matutuwa siya (or maiinis dahil may umaagaw sa trono niya?). Unang tingin ko pa lang, si Cleopatra na naisip ko. Simple ngunit malakas ang dating. Reynang reyna, tulad ng isa sa pinakamaimpluwensyang babae sa balat ng kasaysayan ng mundo. Di ko aakalain na noon pa man, uso na ang magpakita ng cleavage. No wonder bakit naakit si Mark Anthony.

 

UPDATE: Eto naman ang aking runner-up choices, in random order:

1. Aruba – Handa na siyang sumayaw ng samba.

2. Australia - Kahit simple, gusto ko yung makulay na effect.

3. Cayman Islands - Di magpapadaig si Miss Cayman Islands. Carnival queen contender.

4. Dominican Republic - Yan ang karibal ni Dyesebel mula sa Caribbean Ocean.

5. France - Marie Antoinette-inspired costume. At may props pa ah.

6. Guatemala – Pastol? Hayaan natin siyang dalhin tayo sa tamang landas. And that includes you, black sheep.

7. Philippines - Santacruzan-inspired national costume para kay Shamcey Supsup. Dear Madame Stella Marquez de Araneta, maraming magagaling na Pinoy fashion designers. Shamcey deserves more. Buti na lang nadala niya yung costume. Reynang-reyna pa rin ang dating.

8. Poland – Like A Virgin effect ah.

9. Puerto Rico – Wagas na wagas ang cleavage at panty height ni Miss Puerto Rico.

10. Switzerland – Kung siya si Gretel… ako si Handsome! HAHA!

 

Ang mga larawang nakalagay dito ay pagmamay-ari ni Patrick Prather at ni Darren Decker ng Miss Universe Organization, L.P. LLLP.

Hot like Mexico, rejoice!